(I just realized that two of my limited number of recent posts are entitled “Whoa.” But I really don’t know what other word to use to describe my current feeling, so “whoa” it remains.)
(That may have been redundant and silly, but I couldn’t help myself.
(Okay, I’ll stop with the asides now.)
I’m leaving Lincoln in three-and-a-half weeks. It just hit me tonight as I was looking at the calendar, and I immediately started packing books into boxes. I changed my voicemail greeting. I cleaned out my nightstand. I went through my jewelry. I saw a picture of my dad and me when I was little and wondered what it would be like to not know when I’d see him next. Then I decided to blog.
It’s so strange that our situation changed in a matter of days — one day, our one-time budget was at 42%, and having already postponed our leave due to finances, we weren’t certain whether we should make another tentative date or not — and the next day, our budget jumps to 82%, we have a house in Japan, and we’re buying plane tickets. My mind is sort of spinning. I think it’s finally starting to set in.
I’m moving overseas.
We looked at pictures of our house online tonight, and though it was exciting to see where we’ll be living, it was disheartening for me to realize how connected I am to the things of this world.. like an American house. Our new house is cool, but it’s not American.. because it’s Japanese. And I didn’t know I wanted an American house until I looked at a Japanese one and pictured myself living there. It’s just silly little details, like the way the closet door looks from the outside or the way the toilet seat is shaped. I don’t want to be partial to such dumb things, but I’m realizing the difference between Japanese and American aesthetics (specifically American antique) will take some getting used to.
All our cultural training reminds us that nothing is “bad” or “wrong” — it’s just different.
I hope my heart will be prepared to encounter all of the different. I’m starting to get glimpses of this transition, beginning to see tidbits of how radically this will change the way I relate with Jesus.