What am I looking for?

I think I spend half my time with the LORD searching for some sort of feeling of peace, contentment, assurance that I’m doing the right thing.  I don’t realize I’m doing it until I come away from time in His Word feeling frustrated and confused — and then I feel guilty for seeking a feeling, an experience, more than the One who gives it.

I ALSO tend to feel like I need to clean myself up, dusting off all the issues I have before I can read the Bible or before He will allow me to hear Him.  In the past, I’ve spent months avoiding the Bible because of this, only recently revealed to me as this guilt and performance problem.

Can you see how these would play off of each other to keep me OUT of the Bible and AWAY from the gracious arms of Jesus?  LIES.

I want to come to Him each day, regardless of the experiences of yesterday or last month, and trust that He will hold me and listen to me.  I want to be able to repent and accept God’s grace, as David did after being confronted with his sin against Bathsheba and Uriah.   He made love to someone’s wife, then successfully conspired to have the man murdered — and when the prophet Nathan rebukes him, this dialogue ensues:

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.”  Nathan replied, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.” (2 Samuel 12)

David then immediately begins fasting and beseeching the LORD on behalf of his son, coming to His throne of grace with CONFIDENCE!  After an adulterous affair and murder!!  The difference between David’s heart and mine is that he BELIEVED the words of the prophet,‘the LORD has taken away your sin’ ..

Oh LORD, help my unbelief!

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