found while cleaning out drawers.

today is a good day.  let’s make a list, shall we?

:: we are having a party tonite to hang with the summer workers before they go home.  we like parties! (especially when the house is clean!)
:: it rained, which means it cooled off quite a bit and we’re able to use fans rather than the a/c.  (cultural aside: here in our japanese home, we have three a/c units: one for the living/dining/kitchen combo, one for our bedroom, and one for jones’s bedroom.  they are used only when we are in the room.  we close all doors to the area while they are used.  they heat, they cool, and they dehumidify the air.  they are amazing little boogers. they are also expensive to use, which is sad.)
:: yesterday was indeed redeemed, made possible by an afternoon at the pool and an ice cream date with mama.  i ended the day pretty pooped, but with images of jones’s face running through my mind.  laughing as he went down the water slide.  concentrating on getting the ice cream on the spoon.  wildly excited when i mentioned the words ‘ice cream’ and ‘pool.’  it was good.
:: pops is feeling quite a bit better, so he ran errands with jones during my lesson to get the goods for the party.  i don’t believe i have ever before called bryan ‘pops.’
:: we will be feasting on grilled pizza in approximately 3.5 hours. and cake in about 4.5. woop!
:: jones is napping.  or at least playing quietly enough in his crib that i think he’s napping.  both are okay with me.
:: i concocted an iced-mocha-sort-of-drink out of chocolate milk and iced black coffee with a little whip on top.  enjoyable.
:: i am cleaning out a drawer and throwing junk away.  always a fulfilling task for me.

it is the drawer-cleaning that prompted this post.  i found a poem i wrote over a year ago folded up and hidden among the contents (i.e. JUNK) of the drawer.  i gave it a reread and had fun.  thought i’d share, so here it is.

————————

“first poem” (3.20.08)

it’s rained for two days.
i’ve had the feeling
the need
to create something.

i drank coffee.
i made bread.
i watched movies.
i read, i blogged, i journalled.
i took drives to think.
i put on music.
i dressed in pretty things.
and after two days of rain,
i realized
i needed to write.
specifically, i needed to write
a poem.

so here i am,
coffee in hand,
surrounded by picture
frames and baby toys,
starting something new.

it’s strange there is such
difference to my heart
between typing, journalling
and poetry.

i haven’t been here for a while,
tried to write for a while.

i feel like a long-lost brother,
after a hiatus in the muck and mire,
ran to and welcomed home by a pen.

and there’s strangeness
and mystery between us,
in all that’s happened between
now and then.  a new person.

i romanticize everything,
including the last poetical
period of my life, my thesis,
my exit from academia into
apron strings and dirty diapers.
a new name,
a new country,
a new life.

so much has passed,
but i feel as if i never left,
like i will breathe poetry again
and i won’t avoid it
and i’ll let it release me.
we’ll be friends again.

i can’t explain the assurance
i feel, the certainty that this time,
when i picked up the pen,
it was for real.

so here i am.

————————

thoughts:  i do believe it was for real, though few poems have been produced to prove it.  but there’s been a real change in my heart, a real movement toward freedom in allowing myself to be who God has made me and just enjoy it, not thinking about the productivity or purpose of poetry aside from lightening the load of one’s heart.  life is so busy.  i do hope God will let me pursue this path throughout the seasons.

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2 thoughts on “found while cleaning out drawers.

  1. Jamie
    What a beautiful poem just what I needed to read tonight.
    You are such an amazing women and I am so blessed to9 have you as my daughter. Give my boys a hug for me. Miss you lots.
    Mom

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