my bad day at youchien, part 1.

i don’t write much about the cultural difficulties of living japan.  for starters, i’m not really certain who reads my blog and want to keep from making wide-sweeping statements about a place i can’t fully understand, especially in moments of frustration.

i also don’t want to paint a picture of my life that seems depressing or unhopeful, or display a lack of gratitude for the obvious blessings that fill my life.

but i’m still left with the unrelenting truth that living in a foreign land is TOUGH.  it is very love/hate, and i’ve started to feel my heart opening up to writing about what i experience here.  perhaps i feel that i’ve adjusted to life in japan just enough to be able to separate my frustrating experiences from the country and its people as a whole — at least in my writing.  or maybe i have come to the place of acceptance that this is my life right now, for as long as only God knows, and that makes me want to write about it.

which leaves me here.  wondering how to start sharing, make attempts at turning my keystrokes into brushstrokes and paint a little of my life, albeit lacking, for others to stare at and ponder, imagine, feel.  i’ve been wondering how to begin this, and then yesterday happened.  i spent the whole evening going over the day in my mind, and i even dreamt about it.  it was a bad day.  and then i knew it’s where i should start.

and that it’s okay for me to share the hard things, the bad days, the tough times.  because, although half the time i want to buy a plane ticket home, the other half i spend thinking and praying about how to dig into life here, how to love the people around me, how to use my gifts (those dusty old things i’d forgotten about while birthing and breastfeeding) in order to bring life to japan.  and it wasn’t like that before.

so even though i haven’t even mentioned the word ‘youchien’ until this sentence, this is part one of my bad day there.  and its also part one to a new season of life.

thank you, God.

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