Day Two.

Laying on the couch one day, I felt utterly exhausted. I did not feel the love of God, but longed to.

“He loves me as much when I am laying incapable on my couch, as when I am busy doing the things He has set before me. This is truth.”

I am reminded of that today when I feel many burdens, and realize that none of them belong to me. Somehow, inexplicably, everything ends with me — my husband’s problem is my failure to pray steadily; my son’s behavior is my failure to discipline; my neighbor’s loneliness is my failure to be a friend. When did the world’s problems stem from my missteps?

This is pride in disguise, and also a lack of realized love. If was not earning God’s favor, I need not worry about my successes and failures. I would be a happy child.

Gracious, abundant love is truly a disastrous, foolish thing. It blows apart all my human ideas of how affection is won. I want to be done trying to understand something I was only meant to receive. Forget the hows and whys, let me live naked in the truth.

“In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love: because to fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love” (1 John 4:18).

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2 thoughts on “Day Two.

  1. I’ve been working on this very thing with Brad. My self-preoccupation is my belief that I need to merit something. If I am not “producing” or “performing” I believe I am nothing and doing nothing. He is teaching me that Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough. I am praying that you and I can believe this.

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